My Personalized 1–3–1 Rule for Facing Challenges: Lessons Learned, Leaving a Legacy

Yesterday marked 11 years since my dad passed away. We weren’t close and I barely knew him. But the impact that he made on my life is still felt today.

Because he wasn’t in the picture, it influenced my desire to do the opposite for my own children. I took what some could see as a negative situation and I found a way to turn it positive. I learned that when faced with adversity, I could run from it or I could embrace it. Either way, my character was still going to show up on the other side. So, the question I have continued to ask myself is “how do I want to be remembered?”

I heard of a principle several months ago that has given me structure to guide the process of my own responses to circumstances. It’s a rule called 1–3–1 and is purposed to help navigate problems and solutions. However, as with many things in life, I flipped it and adjusted it to make sense to my way of thinking.

When I encounter a perceived setback (that’s 1), what are 3 positives that came from this setback, and what is 1 lesson from it that I want to apply in my life?

I have struggled with coming up with the answers to these questions at times. In those moments, I needed more time to zoom out and to self-reflect. To gain a different perspective. To allow time for logic and understanding to catch up to my raw emotions.

By doing so, it has been life changing for me. In January, my stepfather learned that he had cancer. He hadn’t shown any symptoms and only found out because of a routine exam. This was unexpected. To me, I perceived it as a potential setback.

So, I spent time processing what good could come out of this. In the end, I realized that this was a reminder to let those I care about know how I feel, to press into my emotions, and to remember that life could change in a moment. Through this shake up, I learned the valuable lesson of actively pursuing activities I love with the people I love every day.

That’s how I want to be remembered.

This article was originally posted on Medium (Oltman, Dustin. "My Personalized 1–3–1 Rule for Facing Challenges: Lessons Learned, Leaving a Legacy" Medium, 7 June 2024, https://medium.com/@dustinoltman/my-personalized-1-3-1-rule-for-facing-challenges-lessons-learned-leaving-a-legacy-ae023ca481c0)